networking and dating in second life™

In a virtual world obsessed with making connections, how can it be so hard to make a friend or find a lover?

Almost a year ago, I signed up for a website I read about on another resident’s blog – AVMatch. The slogan is “Matching people and their avatars, in Second Life and beyond!”

I have mixed feelings. I am still a member, and I log in and skim the profiles often. Sometimes daily. DON’T JUDGE ME. I make no secret of the fact that I am lonely as hell in SL. I have serious issues with meeting people, making a friend of them, and then maintaining that friendship. I don’t know why it is – sometimes I contact them first, because I rarely have anyone ever contact me – am I intimidating? Boring? Ugly? Who knows. I spend 90% of my time in world by myself, checking out live music shows and shopping, sometimes club hopping. These are the things that most people in SL seem to do, so why is it SO HARD for me to find even ONE SINGLE PERSON to do them with me on a daily basis?


See how lonely I look?

I try with AVmatch, I really do. So far, I have met a lot of really nice people. Faint praise, eh? That’s about all I can say. I haven’t developed a single solitary lasting friendship, and romance? I laugh at the concept, at this point. Let me give you my assessment.

The Site Itself: It’s not a bad site at all. But… it doesn’t really MATCH anyone. You fill out a profile that’s about as big as your in world one and fill out criteria like on any other networking site – but the site itself doesn’t do any sort of process to suggest: XYZ might be great for you! You just need to browse the profiles on your own. The primary draw, like with real life sites, is pictures pictures pictures. You damn well better have a good one or nobody is clicking that shit.

Straight Guys: They want Slex. They want it now and they don’t care about anything else. There are a few that don’t seem to want that, but don’t really solidify what they DO want. And they almost ALL want to be on voice non stop (barf) I just hate that. The ones that don’t want sex seem to want to engage in some limp wristed small talk that dwindles to not even saying hello. Overall they are… boring? And many of them take no care at all with their avatars. They’re freakishly tall and muscle bound, covered in ugly tribal tatts and bling, and then, AND THEN they have the nerve to insult MY appearance. ROOOOOAR.

Gay Guys: Gay guys on the internet only want one thing and I’m not it. Nuff said. =P

Gay Girls: Are often obviously straight guys and act as such. See category one. The ones that actually appear to be woman don’t seem to warm up to me. Unsure why that is. Am I not gay enough? I mean, I’m bi, so not being gay enough is potentially a valid reason. Lol!

Straight Girls: ALL claim they want friends. But don’t talk to anyone that isn’t a man looking for a relationship. They don’t want friends. They want compliments and flirtation. And so do I, so I can’t blame them turning down my measly offer of platonic friendship. =P

I was watching Sex and the City today, and it’s the one where Carrie’s friends make her go to a therapist because her Mr. Big obsession is becoming annoying. She speaks to the therapist of dating all the wrong men, and the therapist says something that stuns Carrie:

“What do they [the men] all have in common? You.”

So… is it me? What can I do to become better at forging friendships in Second Life? I don’t really have this trouble (as much) in real life, so I figure it has to be something I am doing wrong.

I shall not give up!


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