…and now for something different

[DISCLAIMER: If you are offended by African-Americans referred to as “black” or plus-sized people referred to as “fat” or if you think the words “fat” and “black” are derogatory or you think I might be equating obesity to ethnicity or if you are in any other way over-reactionary, flame-mongering or intolerant – THIS IS NOT THE POST FOR YOU. Just FYI.]

I have always had trouble accepting my IRL appearance, and transmuting it into my SL.

My new look is a nod to several SL’rs who proudly take their RL race and put it into their SL with class and enthusiasm. Strawberry Singh and Sydd Sinister are two of my favorite bloggers, who have embraced their differences and made them shine in a world where most people take the easier road – it’s easier to make a “white” shape simply due to the geometry of the face and the tools we’re given in SL. It’s easier to find light colored skins, perky little noses. But Berry and Syd have stuck to their guns and made beautiful diverse avatars – I salute them. Ashe Anthony is another blogger that I follow, and in her I find more inspiration – although she is not fat (like I am) she is black, and perhaps (I infer from reading what she writes) had a little trouble with making her SL appearence more in line with her RL self. It was difficult to do it for her, difficult because she wanted (like so many of us do) to fit in, to be “pretty” and to be liked. Read her post on it here. My friend Clear Canning has mentioned in her blog that she is biracial IRL and finds it difficult to express than in SL due to limitations with skins etc. Yesterday she showed up looking like a VERY convincing Mercedes from Glee and it was totally awesome. xD

Many times in the past I have tried to be more true to my RL self when it comes to the appearance of my SL self. I am a fat, Italian white woman irl. I’m not really big on euphemisms like “fluffy” or “plus-sized” or “full-figured” – I am what I am, it’s fat, deal with it. =P

I have struggled with my weight a lot over the years… I have tried (and failed) to lose it, and tried (and failed) to accept it as just part of who I am. Not necessarily bad, not really good, just me.  IN BEFORE “IT’S NOT HEALTHY TO BE OVERWEIGHT BLAH BLAH DIBEETUS BLAH BLAH HEART ATTACK BLAH BLAH.” Yes I know it’s not the healthiest way to be, but for better or worse it IS how I am and it probably isn’t going to change. =P

I have tried (and failed! lol) to make my SL avatar fatter. It never looks “good” to me, I always feel ugly, and awkward. AO’s don’t work right, prims don’t fit, things are unflattering – in fact it’s way too close to real life for comfort! So I never stuck with it. I admired from afar bloggers that made their SL avs larger and more like their RL selves, fashionable and sexy ladies like Mae Tabak, Isabeau Reinard (who makes poses for larger avatars) and Rosie Barthelmess.

I was reading a blog yesterday, I don’t remember which, but it has this section of “blogroll” type links and beside each one was a little thumbnail of the author’s face and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WAS WHITE. AND SLENDER. And… while most of them are unique in their way, lined up like that in little rows they looked pretty damn the same! Heh.

Last night while watching Beyonce music videos and waffling between “I want to be ON her” and “I want to BE her” thoughts – I decided to take the plunge. I wanted to combine some of my RL fat self and some of friend’s and fellow bloggers black selves and become a shiny new Bunny. My new shape is not what I would consider in ANY world fat – but it certainly isn’t a shape that AO’s and poses are made for, nor is it one you’d see on a runway in New York or Paris.

When I was satisfied with the skin I found and the shape I made, I took a long hard look at myself and realized that I really and truly felt pretty, and really comfortable in my SL self in a way I never had before.

Also, my girlfriend thinks I’m hotter than ever. ^_~

This post is really long now and I am bored of typing. =P


Shape: My own
Skin: [KA] Skins Bardot – Zuri (holyfuckballs, these skins are 1450 L a pop)
Hair: [KA] #5 included with skin, Truth – Annette
Eyes: Negaposi – Sumi
Shirt: Slink – White Button Down
Corset: 5th & Oxford – The Tease underbust corset
Jeans: Decoy – Dana 76
Shoes: Nardcotix – Eva Slingbacks & T-strap Mary Janes
Lingerie: JustB – Silver (shop is closed but still on xstreet I believe)
Earrings: Boom – Door Knockers
Necklace: Whippet & Buck – Repairs Necklace, Acid & Mala – Caged Pearls (prev. Stumblebum)
Poses: Hopscotch, LAP (I think, oh god I forgot, sorry >.<)

[DISCLAIMER 2: I don’t think it’s bad for people to want to be thin, want to fit in, etc. I feel the same way most of the time. I am not hating. THIS IS A NO HATE ZONE. ALERT. ALERT. lol. This is a love post. <3<3<3]

18 responses to “…and now for something different”

  1. Yay! I love this post and you have truly inspired me to want to put more of myself into my avatar and I will this weekend! Thank you for showing everyone that diversity is beautiful and we shouldn’t have to hide who we are… ♥

    and hell yus, you look hotter than evarrs!

  2. Aww thanks for the mention, I’m flattered.
    This was a great post, I enjoyed reading it, and also, I think the new look is nice!

  3. It took a long time for me to make my av short and curvy, and that was only after I did my time as a 7′ tall stick-thin glamazon with giant boobs.
    evolution of isabeau

    I made that shape on the insistence of my friends. They told me the shape I made was too thick, and that I looked “intimidating.” I was offended, but I still stretched and thinned my body and amped up my boob and butt sliders.

    I hated how I looked.

    When they left SL, I gradually shortened my av and filled her out a bit. It took a little while to get used to the new me, and it was a stark raving bitch to re-fit all of my prims, but in the end it was 100% worth it to be comfortable with how I look. Yes, sometimes I still get a little self-conscious when I’m half the height of the glamazon next to me, or when I go to blog an outfit and my arms are buried in my body, but such is Second Life. Here we have the ability to look “perfect” and I understand why people want to take advantage of it.

    I also understand that most of us need to rethink our definition of the word “perfect.”

    Well, that’s enough babbling. Thank you ever so much for the mention. I think you look absolutely fantastic.

  4. I am so flattered to be mentioned as well! As has been said, having a thicker shape in SL can be really challenging (from prim editing, to limbs disappearing, to rude comments), but if it feels “right”, go with it. That’s why I do it. My shape is still an idealized version of RL me (RL me doesn’t have big breasts and a round bum, for example), but I don’t feel comfortable in any other shape, I feel all wrong if I’m tall and skinny. Hell, I’d probably even wear skin with some cellulite on it (I know for many that’s too far). Congrats on feeling more like yourself, and embracing your own shape, skin, and “SLelf”! You wear yourself well ;)

    P.S- I understand what you mean about “fat” vs. “chubby” or “rounder”, etc. SL fat is not the same as RL fat at all, plus the mesh limitations don’t really allow for certain realistically fat attributes.

  5. What a wonderful post! I’m not one that choose to look like my RL self in SL (rather I go to the extreme and try to never be fully human), but I really appreciate reading stuff like this. I think it’s beautiful to see folks embrace diversity, whether it’s RL inspired or not.

    And I agree, you look beautiful :)

  6. omg You are so hawt! <3 I love the ethnic skins I've seen in SL, and I often envy darker skins because of the way clothes and make-up look. I'm very very pale RL, which can be difficult sometimes. Also, I <3 the curvier shapes. I know there's a shop that does 'curvy girl' poses or AOs, though I haven't looked. I read the FabFree blog, and Whisper Swansong (a lovely curvy lady herself!) has posted about it a couple of times.

    But yeah, you look totally awesome. :-D

  7. Harper Beresford Avatar
    Harper Beresford

    I am glad you did this blog. I have been blogging about women of different sizes and races and orientations, cheering on creators who cover such styles. If you look you will find plus sized fashion stores in SL, stores exclusively for African-American fashion, etc. You find out that it’s hard to size prims for a bigger girl in SL as much as it is in RL. Bleah. And finding a good true African-American or East Asian or Indian skin is hard (though more are addressing this). And do NOT try to fit certain shoes to plump avatars. Won’t happen. (I have an alt who is plus-sized ;))

  8. I agree.. It’s hard for someone of ethnicity to find good skins and shapes in SL. I’m biracial myself (half black and half white) and it can be hard. Even then, sometimes I come across shoes with prim toes and they aren’t color change.. they’re white! Eh, i get what you mean though.

  9. Hazel Homewood Avatar
    Hazel Homewood

    Great post, and you look wonderful! We need more “avis” like you :-)

  10. You are such a sweetheart and you look absolutely adorable. I love the new look! <333

  11. *claps*

    I’m stick thin in real life. I have the chest of a 12-year-old. What’s funny is, I am really, really self-conscious and miserable about my weight and body. I have no curves at all. There is nothing sexy about my body. When a guy has his arms around me, I’m paranoid that he’s grossing out over all the bones he can feel. I have women at work constantly commenting on my weight with this unspoken, “what eating disorder do you have?” in their tones. The answer is none. I just take after my dad’s thin and strung-out side of the family. My mother — all the women on her side are jolly, voluptuous, unbreakable Irish folk. I got the “skinny anxious person” genes instead.

    I had a guy tell me once, “You’re cute, but no guy wants to bang a bag of antlers.” NICE!

    It can suck on both ends of the spectrum. And I guess what sucks the most is the fact that many of us feel like if we don’t have that “one perfect body type,” we’re physical failures.

    So bravo for tackling this, yes, sensitive subject. I have a great time living out my “hey, I finally have cleavage” fantasies in SL. And Harper is right. I tried to beef up my AV’s body fat and it was impossible to fit into many boots and shoes. :(

    1. Yar… I have heard this kind of thing a lot lately, “people” in the general, sheephead douchebag sense are always going to criticize. Someone is always going to be too fat, or too thin, or too tan or have too much XYZ thing. There’s always a “she’s too…..” attached, and I hate that, why do we do it! It’s just like… endless “grass is always greener” human condition, but with a mean twist.

      And I’m sorry but I lol’d at the antlers comment. Mean but funny. If it makes you feel any better, I once had a guy tell me I was too fat to fuck WHILE WE WERE NAKED IN BED ALREADY.

      Seriously, this shit happens.

      1. Harper Beresford Avatar
        Harper Beresford

        Someone SAID that to you? And did you tell him he wasn’t big enough for any woman to take seriously?

    2. silver milneaux Avatar
      silver milneaux

      this comment just made me tear up, I wish I was you.

  12. I’m always appalled at the horrible things people say to each other. I really shouldn’t be surprised, because it happens so often, but my lord! It’s one thing to have specific taste – hey, if you aren’t attracted to skinny or fat or short or tall, black hair or ginger hair, fine. But jeebus, people don’t need to be dickheads about it! D:

    I’m sorry any of you have had that kind of crap aimed at you. It’s horrible, and there’s no excuse for it.

  13. silver milneaux Avatar
    silver milneaux

    great post. you should be anything you want to be in SL! (although people might judge you if you have a funny disproportionate shape haha like on booby glamazons)

    for me, SL, like for a lot of people, is about my idealized self. when I’m feeling particularly horrible/insecure in RL, my SL size becomes pretty much.. extremely thin. and I freaked out when a close friend logged in my account and changed my shape to my older, larger shape haha. SL is the only place where I can be thin and like the way I look.

    you look amazing in all of your pictures, not just this post! most importantly, you should like the way you look on SL, no one will judge you :)

  14. ahhhh i am so late replying. but i wanted to say thank you for mentioning me (YAY) and also what a lovely post. your av looks great!

    also wanted to say how i appreciate you using “black” and “fat” because so many people these days want to shy away from both terms and be so PC about everything and for me anyways it just gets annoying. when i describe my RL self, fat & black are two of the descriptive words i use. i don’t actually feel comfortable being called “African- American” and well gee people always always get upset when i say Fat but i tell them yanno what, saying i am fat is the exact same thing as saying i am short, and no one yells at me for calling myself short right? of course not because saying i am short is an actual factual statement, same as saying i am fat. it just the truth which i am not afraid of. fat is only a bad word if we let it me.

    anyhow enough of me blabbering, love you post!

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