Oh hi. A song for this post… Joss Whedon fans may recognize this as Fred’s Goodbye song from Angel, season 5. A Place Called Home – Kim Richie
As people who follow this blog have no doubt already noticed, I haven’t been posting. My RL woes have been taking over my thoughts lately, and I can’t seem to shake them. It’s amazing how one can make the exact same mistakes twice (or more) in one life and not recognize it is happening again until you’re dug so far into a pit of HOLY SHITBALLS NOW WHAT that there seems no way of getting free again.
I just want to say a quick bit about SL here… since I know this is on the feeds and my posts should be at least somewhat SL related. =P I want to drop a quick thanks to the whores… I mean fine young ladies of Dork Street who have welcomed Meila and I into their community and circle of friendship. I know I speak for both of us when I say it’s an absolute blast and I feel like I have a real home now – something I’ve never felt before in SL. I’ve had land, and I’ve had linden homes, and Meila and I had places that we lived but Dork Street is HOME in some intangible way. I really like it there, every bit of it, from the neighbors popping up while I’m naked on a pose stand, to the guns shooting random objects around and the impromptu dance parties and penis fights. It’s a really amazing place, full of talented fun and friendly people, and I wish everyone in SL got to experience something so wonderful.
I have another home in SL on my kid av, which is also a place becoming HOME for me. It’s really nice, heeeeooooooge mansiony house that my parentals bought. I have my own room decorated with awesome custom rainbow furniture and posters of RL things I love. We hang out there watching movies and such. I love it, so, yeah. =) It literally has taken me like 4 hours to write what I have so far.. procrastination thy name is Bunny!
I have been understandably distracted!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – REAL LIFE STUFF ONLY BELOW – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. Maybe more than most people. Most of my mistakes seem to revolve around money. I don’t know how to manage it, save it, or make it (much) in fact the only thing I AM good at with money is spending it. So I find myself now in another pit of shit of my own making. Again. Exactly same as I was five years ago but in some ways worse. In some ways easier.
I’ve had a hard time keeping passionate about my blog because I don’t get to do my favorite thing in SL anymore much: shopping. Which is kinda what my blog was about, 85% of the time. =P I’m not someone who gets tons of review stuff, most of what you see on my blog was paid for by me (not that I think of less of those who get such things, nor do I not want them, I LOVE the gifties I do get, so thanks, designers). Anyway, that’s part of the reason for my decreased blog-action.
The other reason is… folks, I’m hella depressed. People take for granted that I am always happy. I don’t know why, but it’s something I’ve always found… people tend to consider me cheerful and happy and only the ones very close to me know I’m a fuckwad of depression most of the time. Heh. Lately, I’ve been so sunk into my RL problems that I haven’t been able to appreciate the beauty around me in RL, let alone in SL. So.. that’s the other part.
Onto the hiatus portion of this post. I have to move IRL. I have dug myself into such a massive financial hole that I have to skip out on the lease of my very nice apartment and move into a comparatively small city in East Texas with my aunt who raises bull dogs. I am very lucky to have her, and to have her be so generous as to take in a fuck-up like me. I will be moving within the week. I had a lot of financial/legal craptasticness going on around my car, which my unemployed, 60 year old dad who has prostate cancer, managed to help me out with by footing the bill. Yes, I am so pathetic that I now take money from cancer patients. I feel like the worst, slimiest shittiest person. But I will accept this because it’s better than jail, and because I know he is glad to help me no matter how lame I am the rest of the time, and how terrible our family history is.
So.. for the time being I just don’t have time to blog. I don’t know what my internet situation will be in my aunt’s house, and I don’t have much money at all right now. I promise to be back when I get my priorities straight again IRL and get back on my own two feet. I’m leaving the place I have come to think of as HOME irl, and going somewhere I’ve never been. I’m scared, and excited, and relieved. And I still have some REALLY hard personal decisions to make which I won’t go into here. I am not leaving SL or anything like that (except for the times I don’t have net obviously =P) but yeah, I need to get some things in perspective.
As “bad” as SL has been for me, it has also been SO good for me in so many ways. The love I have there from friends and family is what gets me through the day right now. I can’t express how much it means to me, the way we come together and love. (not like THAT, pervs!)
Thanks for sticking with me. =)
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