come as you are

I’m going through a really rough patch in le first life right now, and I think I want to babble on that a little. But first I want to show off this super cool hair I got today from new store Liquence! Everyone has been gushing over the wavy/curly style (and I do love it, too), so I thought I would instead show off the other one. (There’s a men’s style too, but pfft, men. :P) I love this hair! It’s teased and rough and coarse and bleached and reminded me of 90’s grunge hair. It’s FANTASTIC. I wish I was wearing a plaid shirt and smoking weed while listening to Nirvana – it’s that grunge. (Maybe others will see this hair differently, as smooth and glam and fancy. Who knows!?) I didn’t do any editing, I thought this raw snap was just the thing to show the feeling this hair gives me.

liquene

Hair: New from Liquence
Hairbase: Liquence Subscriber Gift
Skin: Glam Affair
Eyes: Dead Apples
Lashes: FTL
Shirt: RONSEM
Jeans: Monso
Pose: LAP

Now some babbling about real life. Those who follow me on plurk have probably heard that last week I was in a serious car accident with a drunk driver. I emerged more or less whole and healthy. I’m very bruised, I have a headache that won’t quit, my muscles are sore, my car is totaled but replaceable, and I feel bad BUT at least I didn’t break anything and I am not dead.

And yet.

I have this debilitating fear of going back to my life. I’m scared of work, I’m scared of driving at night, I’m avoiding my family even more than I already did. All I want to do is stay in my bedroom and do nothing. I force myself to play WoW or SL or watch Fringe or read because if I don’t I will do nothing. And doing nothing is not a ME thing to do. I am not a nothing doer, I am always wanting to do something. I love my job, I love driving, I love WoW, I love DOING. But I feel totally done in. I feel sorry for myself. I feel sad. I feel anxious. Today I got sent home from work because I couldn’t stop crying. I had terrible anxiety and could barely breathe on the drive over, and being there did not improve the situation. I don’t feel at all like my strong capable self. Normally when bad/hard things happen I just roll with it and compartmentalize and do what needs to be done because that’s life. Now for some reason I feel crippled. Not physically but emotionally, mentally. I don’t feel safe and I don’t feel right. And so. That’s all I guess. I hope I can snap back to the old me by Monday because I can’t hide from my life forever.

3 responses to “come as you are”

  1. With hope your loved ones are treating you well with patience and hugs and chocolate xx

    1. They are, for the first time in my life I actually have a great support system. :D

  2. Aww that’s terrible bunny! I hope your being taken care of! Tell the boyfriend to cuddle you & feed you cookies till all the stress goes away,
    It will get better!
    :))))

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